this is goodbye...

thank you, all you people for listening to me and giving me encouraging and funny *most of the time* comments all these years...

xanga *sadly* meant something to me... haha

but alas, the time has come to say goodbye...

so i bid y'all a LOVELY life... call me up sometime...

RIP: Emily Ruth Wacaster's xanga... wednesday, november 12, 2003- thursday, march 2, 2006

au revoire... much love and hugs ~Em

THE END

Koo koo kah choo...

....thank you, will... for that lovely thought....

hey guys... i wasn't going to update... but will got me started so....

life is great

i'm freaking content

3 months! 5 months! 6 months! 54 months!

if you know what that means....... you actually listen to me... hahaha

g'night ~Em

a. i love my God and have been regaining ground in my fight to stay close to Him, my family who never ceases to amaze me, and you, my darling, gorgeous, supportive, hilarious, amazing, crazy, graceful, loving, cheery, beautiful, precious friends... SO much.... i would die without you... or at least want to...

b. yayye for '05... even yayyer for '06... '06=my last semester in highschool, GRADUATION, turning eighteen, going to college*i got accepted at MTSU and have already set up my e-mail account (yes, i'm a nerd... but an EXCITED one) so if you want to make me happy e-mail erw2i@mtsu.edu*... w00t

c. i MIGHT see you again in february... i'm thinking of stopping altogether... but i don't know... it's kind of fun... i leave you with this song... that's just... been totally ME these past weeks... i know, it's old school... but everything about it...=what i'm going through and feeling...

...In open fields of wild flowers...
...she breathes the air and flies away...
...She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses...
...in no simple language...
...Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all...
...He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens...
...As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips...
...Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him...
...Someday He'll call her and she will come running...
...and f.a.l.l. i.n. H.i.s. a.r.m.s. and the tears will fall down and she'll pray...

"I want to fall in love with You"

...Sitting silent wearing Sunday best...
...The sermon echoes through the walls...
...A great salvation through it calls to the people...
...who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls...

...He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens...
...As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips...
...Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him...
...Someday He'll call us and we will come running...
...and f.a.l.l. i.n. H.i.s. a.r.m.s. and the tears will fall down and we'll pray...

"I want to fall in love with You"

...It seems too easy to call you "Savior"...
...Not close enough to call you "God"...
...So as I sit and think of words I can mention...
...to show my devotion...

"I want to fall in love with You"

...my heart beats for You...

...love...~Em...

is it possible to be a cynic... and still believe... a little... after all that's happened... i still have hope... merry christmas, babyyy...

**EDIT** i don't need a boy... i don't... i have the best friends... and they love me... they still do... after all i've done... they still do... wow... thank you parky, chels, zack, scott and matt... i needed you tonight... and you were there for me... **it doesn't matter what they think about me... "you can take it all away... i don't need it... underneath... i'll still be the same..."** 

7quotes 21thoughts 7songs

1. time goes by way too fast

and all the roads we have to walk are winding... and all the lights that lead the way are blinding... there are many things that i.. would like to say to you but i don't know how...+oasis "wonderwall"+

2. i have the most amazing friends in the entire world and i love them so so so so much
3. i don't think i fully realized how much i ADORE my friends until i went nine days without seeing them *whew*

"i could go for a couch about now..."+me+

4. seven of those nine were spent in disney world and the other two coming to and fro
5. disney world was amazing and as i said would be my new life motto "real life just isn't as fun as disney world"

you don't have to say you love me... just be close at hand... you don't have to stay forever... i will understand...believe me, believe me... i can't help but love you... but believe me... i'll never tie you down...+dusty springfield "you don't have to say you love me"+

6. i love laughing... about anything and nothing and everything... laughing is the best way to get through...

"don't try to excuse your sparkle!"+me+

7. i came back to the best welcome home present ever... a whole day with friends... and it was amazing...! and a half...

"everybody has a gold book!"+chelshoho+

8. i am so blessed to be best friends with my family members... i mean wow... i was with them NON stop for nine days... and... i still not only love them but LIKE them and want to be around them? cahrayzee

Daniel:you're scaring all the girls away.... they look at me, look at you and then look away
Me: well you're scaring all the guys away
Daniel: that's my job!

9. sometimes giving up is very enticing
10. but i guess... that's what i need to do... not give up entirely... but once again.. give up on MY way... MY timing... MY plans... MY choices... MY screw-ups... MY failures... MY hurts... i need to give up... on me... because me... is nothing... i need to get back on track with God... i've been so distracted... it seems like i've always been distracted... being close to Him seems like a distant memory...

i'll gather my insufficiencies and place them in your hands... place them in your hands... never underestimate my jesus... when the world around you crumbles... he will be strong... he will be strong...+relient k "for the moments i feel faint"+

11. i've said for so long that the reason why i'm not friends with people now that i used to be close to is because they changed... which could be... but i was never willing to admit that i've changed... and i have... i said in my last entry "life is so different now than it once was, i'm so different now" and it's so true... i guess i'm growing up... and much as i didn't want to... i am...

"why were you looking down an elf's pants?!?!?"+marsh+

12. i don't write anymore... i miss writing... i miss expressing myself... i miss being able to capture my feelings... write them down, put them away and forget about them for a while... i'm reading back over some of my old stuff... some of it is just okay... but some of it is pretty good... a lot of it i don't even remember writing...
13. isn't it weird how.... you can be hurting so much... but still be so completely fine... like... i could cry... or laugh... i don't know which... i guess that could be God working...but after bible study and talking to bart... i'm not even tempted to cry... i'm so completely fine... completely happy... yayye for God working through friends...

i can tell that you don't know me anymore... it's easy to forget... sometimes we just forget... being on this road is anything but sure... maybe we'll forget... i hope we don't forget... i'm falling into... memories of you... and things we used to do... +yellowcard "one year, six months ago"+

14. i am cold... i am always cold...

i'm waiting for blood... to flow to my fingers... i'll be alright when my hands get warm...+dashboard "the best deceptions"+

15. ...music... i love it so much... it says everything i need it to... when i need it to... i can get lost in it or i can be found again.. i can cry to it or i can laugh... i can remember... or i can forget... every song holds something... some memory... every lyric intrigues me... every melody soothes me... every voice sings to my feelings...
"what do you love about music?" "to begin with... everything" +almost famous, william and then russell+

16. i'm half way through my last year of high school... wow... refer to #1... i'm so excited... and right now... not even slightly sad... but i think it will hit me eventually... maybe not.. but i don't know...

reach for all you need... embrace all you have... release all you've lost...+me+

17. i love... rachy, kyle, parky, hell, chels, bart, josh, matt, will, CLAIRE, hannah, mom, stace, austin and anybody else who's been listening to and loving me lately... you guys are amazing... i don't know what i'd do without you... i still don't understand why the heck you stick around with me... but i'm glad...

"love isn't always easy" "shut-up, it should be"+me and stace+

18. once again... i know this is really long... so if you read it all... i applaud you... i love you all very very very much... you never cease to amaze me... thanks for the comments and keep it up! please  see you in january! *holy crap, that's insane*

Took a walk to a caution scene...I guess I crossed the line somehow...And if I lost some of your hope...I’m sorry for the folly was all mine...And I don’t ever really understand...All the things that we say, but I try to anyway, anyhow...For what’s in a day of a dandy life...For what’s in a day of this dandy life...Everything... everything...everything...+collective soul "dandy life"+

19. cautious is no way to live your life... love is always a risk... and a lot of times it hurts... but it's always... always... always worth it...
20. <3!!! XOXOXOXOX ~Em

21. *EDIT* hahahaha... the lutely manda face was the only person to notice that previously i only had twenty thoughts despite my saying at the top there were twenty one... i didn't even notice... haha... i deleted one and forgot to change the top... but this goes out to her for being observant and amazing! <3

*EDIT*DEUX!!!"life is so different now than it once was... i'm so different now than i once was..." still true... but i tell you what... sitting out on a gorgeous night gazing at the stars and talking to God... helps... a lot... peace... i have found peace again... and with that.. i'm learning what it's like to be joyful and sure of things... once more... THANKS FOR THE LOVE!

oh, God help me... i don't want this to happen... i want everything to be easy and simple and beautiful again... why do things have to be so messy... so complicated... so hard... i guess i need to start living by my verse... "peace i leave with you, my peace i give to you... not as the world gives do i give unto you... LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED, NEITHER LET IT BE AFRAID" i'm reaching out... and if nobody else holds me... i'll cling to the hope that once got me through everything....

it's that time again!!! missed me something awful, didn't y'all?

when asked to describe me in one word my friends responded with the following... Crazy... Dependable... Daisy... Beautiful... Outgoing... Complex... Exuberant... Rare... Extraordinary... favoritekickfacehoho. <3... fantabulous-frolicker... Captivating... "You're just too good for one word"...and last but not least "encouraging, spontaneous, cheerful, godly, gorgeous, interesting, funny, musical, and outgoing." one word? THANKS, Y'ALL!!! care to add your word? leave me a comment... <3

Rachy:"do you have your hands in the proper nine and three positions?"
Me:"nah, i'm more of a six and radio kind of girl"

OCTOBER WAS THE BEST MONTH EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  it was kick face amazing...
man... y'all... i love my life so much... TONS OF TONS of time with friends... bon fires and hay rides GALORE... one every weekend for 7 weeks! <3 i love bonfires... SO much... it was great great great fun everytime... i also went to the Horton Haven Fall Retreat and it was one of the best ever... it was just so awesome...

do you realize? that you have the most beautiful face... do you realize? we're floating in space... do you realize? that happiness makes you cry... do you realize? that everyone... you know... someday... will die... and instead of saying all of your goodbyes... let them know you realize that life goes fast... it's hard to make the good things last... you realize the sun doesn't go down... it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.... do you realize? do you realize? do you realize? "do you realize"+Flaming lips+  -this is my song because happiness makes me cry and i'm always talking about how fast time goes...

over fifty comments!!! thanks, guys!! that makes me happy... i didn't think it would get there.... but i'm glad it did...you're all so amazing... i think that's a personal record... actually, i'm pretty sure the farthest it's ever gotten before is in the thirties...

"never drink anything that gnomes give to you" -Will...oh so true...
Tim:"when it basically says don't bother with earthly knowledge does that mean you shouldn't go to school?"
Bart and me in unison "YES"...great minds...
Ari: "i've never had a cavity" Will: "well, that will get you into heaven"... hahahahaha...
"if my house was made of gold and it were to catch on fire... we would realize that it's not on fire" -Tim...there ya go...
"i could have totally just made that up and it would be another bad illustration..."-Tim again... hahaha...wisdom from Bible study<3
MORE WISDOM FROM BIBLE STUDY<3
"satan's going to blow your church down" -Will "I'm glad you're not God, Emily" -Mel "THEY HAVE CARS IN ITALY!!!!!" -Mel again "We are the third pig" -Will again "Then it was 'prayer of jabez for your dog'" -Mel again again and at that one will and i laughed for a long time... hahaha... man good times

love. is a wave i ride that won't ever reach the shore... overwhelmed by the tide and wanting nothing more tonight... than to take this time... and make it all mine... it's coming around again... every now and again sometimes i get lost on the wind of a dream.. the air gets clean and the sea gets wide and i can do anything... the pain.. it won't even cross my mind... there is wonder in everything... the rope gets loose and the chains unbide and i can do anything... hope... it's the light that strikes that burns inside of me... it's a blinding light but somehow i can see again... when i've lost my way... it's becoming very clear... somewhere between the darkness and the light... my spirit takes to flight... the colors fill the sky and... i.... am... free... "anything"+Mae+

"i like you.  wanna be my friend?"  -Scamper The Penguin... ahhh, if only life were so easy... haha...

i know... i'm so slow... but i'm trying... and i'm still dying to know... say you'll love me for... the rest of my life...<3 "rest of my life"+unwritten law+

i don't know when i'll update again because december eleventh i shall be in disney world!!! w00t.  if we get up there in comments again though y'all might force me to update before then...i love you all so very much... *lotsofhugs* ~Em